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The art of letting go of what you love and newness overwhelm

The art of letting go of what you love and newness overwhelm

It’s taken me a while to finally come to a place where I can write about the last 6 to 8 weeks, which have been full of change and challenges of every kind. Hindsight knowledge is a great teacher, but useless when you are in the middle of exactly what will prove to be futile later.

Deciding to move away from a city I love (Cork), all the friends and contacts I got to know so well over the years as well as my favourite nature spots, coffee places, etc. has been the hardest thing to do. On good days I can now think about it with joy and happy memories, on a bad day it still brings tears and heartache. The last 2 weeks in Ireland were full of high emotions; it is no mean feat to leave behind the business that has been your life and reason for getting up in the morning for close to 10 years. Harder again I found saying goodbye to my close friends and people I did business with regularly. In some cases I know it is the final goodbye and for others I know it is only a temporary until we meet again. A lot of people promised to come along to goodbye parties and for whatever reason their life got in the way, which for me was a little disappointing to learn I only meant very little to them on the other hand those that did show made my day and there were a few surprises there too. So bittersweet is the term, I guess.

My rotary club in Cork pulled out all the stops to give me a proper send-off and they helped in so many ways in getting things to storage and other practical help with moving and transport. My close friends were exceptional, each and every one took their time and I miss them the most. Just the freedom to go and meet for coffee, a drive, a dinner or just a chat it really makes the difference between feeling loved and lonely.

I don’t know if there is such a thing as an easy way of letting go of what you love and the people you love? The only way through those weeks for me was to keep looking forward, if I stood still I was in danger of making a complete u-turn or fall to pieces neither which was really much of an option. It has been a big leap into the unknown, not knowing anyone here, no local language skills nor knowledge of how anything works. I have to say the newness overwhelm had me in more twists than the letting go side even though I would safely say I am still processing that one too.

It is amazing how tensed I got when every day one or several new challenges arose. After 4 weeks I had lived in four different places and none of them near to the standard I had hoped to be able to rent, but for now moving is off my list of objectives partly because I despise it with passion and secondly I want the next move to be to somewhere I really want to be. The bureaucracy is baffling and somewhat unsettling at times, but for now I only deal with one official instance a week and that policy seems to be working. Trying to get it all sorted as soon as possible turned out to be a stressful illusion. The language I haven’t got to grips with and the fairy tale that everyone speaks good English here until you ask a question then the truth comes out.

On the positive work is great and has been a positive move, having won a rookie award after 3 weeks was a little stunning. But I guess in true form I did hit the ground running, because it probably also was the only thing I knew how to do over here so my attention has been pretty much on the job. Transport works like a dream and you can even claim a taxi back from the public transport company when they run more than 20 minutes late, which I think is rather cool (still have to figure out how, but knowing you can is a great start). In all living costs seem to be similar to Ireland. Rent and bills are lower, food the same, drinking out is mega-expensive but drinking in is do-able.

For now dealing with change will remain the order of the day for quite some time to come. And for those who have gone down this road you know there are good days and bad days and hopefully over time the bad ones will become less frequent. As for the language, I am sometimes enjoying not understanding even if the majority of the time I would rather understand. As for friends the true friends are there for me and they have been special with daily messages, phone calls, e-mails, skype etc. they in my view deserve true thanks because without them I would probably have packed up by now. Thank you and stay with me.

If someone has mastered the art of letting go of the things and people you truly love, then do fill me in on the process…I am still wondering if there is a process for it. Much as a I like a new challenge, dealing with all things new lead to a whole new experience of newness overwhelm, where when the level of new became too much I would rather not do anything. Having had a weekend back on familiar territory with friends and things I knew how to do and everyone understanding me, was an absolutel gift my inner self needed to calm down again.

Thank you to all my friends, without you the last few weeks would have been impossible.

Fine line between entrepreneurial vision and illusion or even delusion

Fine line between entrepreneurial vision and illusion or even delusion

In dealing with entrepreneurs we often find the enthusiasm to live their vision absolutely infectuous and even in times of adversity some entrepreneurs manage to live their vision and believe in it’s positive outcome no matter what, some at the risk of being delusional and living an illusion.

Now if you are the employee or the private partner, you may be thinking ‘I always said that’ and ‘see I am right, didn’t I tell you’. Before you start your gloating conclusion, we would have seen a lot of very successful entrepreneurs over the years and they all talk of having to hold onto their vision despite the naysayers and despite challenging economic or business times. So to be clear we don’t want to promote for any entrepreneur to give up on their vision, but we do want them to check whether they are creating it or just living on the edge of delusion without a practical plan.

A delusional person equally has total belief their ideas will become reality, the only problem being they have no backbone or basis to back up these ideas. The visionaries of the entrepreneurial world do have a map even if at times it may be a rough map and the route may change, they have done their research and have valid information to indicate that they are on track. It would be considered irresponsible for an architect to build a house without plans, but entrepreneurs with delusional natures think it’s perfectly fine to build a business without a plan.

In tough economic times it is even more important to believe in your vision, because now the negative people will be out in force telling you that you will not survive and we are sure from talkign to our clients that even the most succesful at times contemplate whether they should keep going. In order to keep your vision real, the key is to establish some ground rules and basics you work towards. It includes having an end game plan or cut-off point where you decide it has been enough or time to sell up or close. We believe some minimum basics to ensure business viability need to be covered, so that your company can still pay bills and then an active sales plan on how you will be growing and what the targets are, after that a case of focusing on selling as much as possible with minimal resources.

Expenditure of great companies is minimal and well managed. Their key resource is always it’s people and they make the turnaround effort to keep the entrepreneurial vision alive. Great companies invest in people and have a strong culture all geared towards the vision and the key role of the entrepreneur is to keep the dream alive and motivate those around him to feel the same. This may mean stepping out and leading from the frontline when those on the front line are losing faith, or spending time in the back office to make sure all runs smoothly there.

In stormy times, the boats that make it through have usually put reefs in the sails, tighten the ropes and sailed a conservative course only to pick up the pace once safety has been found again, their focus is on the telltales and the compass to help the skipper stay on course.

The question is: are you living the entrepreneurial vision or delusion? No matter what the answer is right now, make a plan and then implement it as if your life depended on it.

We wish you a profitable vision

Who am I to be brilliant?

Who am I to be brilliant?

In my sorting through what seems to be an endless amounts of materials gathered over the 19 years I have lived in Ireland, I came accross a part of the Nelson Mandela inaugural speech. I don’t know whether all the meeting of people for the last time and saying goodbye to some of my favourite places, has made me a bit reflective and introspective. Or whether recent conversations with some close friends about stepping up and going after the next level that is out there for the taking if we feel we want it, is really what is making this speech very current and very relevant to more than any other time.

In talking to people about my move to Stockholm a lot of people feel that it is a massively courageous move to make and that if they could they would love to do the same. To be honest I am not sure whether I have the same viewpoint, for me my decision to move is based on opportunity and timing coming together. I am looking forward to the new challenge, with that I wouldn’t be human if I had no sentiments about leaving a lot of things behind in Ireland, but is that really courage?

I think all of our experiences both positive and negative ones lead us to become more rounded people. To me to stop evolving and not adapting and not availing of opportunities when they occur would really be limiting, frustrating and not what we were intended to be on this planet for. So whether that is courage or just making the most of life I am not sure.

I think all my career moves and businesses to date have made this move possible and it will allow me to explore implementing my skills from a different angle and that to me is refreshing. All I can say is that my move is based on all the right reasons for me personally and most of my true friends have been extremely similar in their view of the situation, which has been great to have so much support around.

If anything that is what all of us need when we are going through change: a trusted friend network that can support decisions which take an element of faith to make. These same friends will probably and highly likely tell you when you are missing the point too, at least mine do.For all of you wondering, whether you could make a bold move into a new direction, here is the text that to me is relevant to all of us pondering brilliance on a personal and business level.

Who am I to be brilliant? (excerpt form inaugural speech of Nelson Mandela 1994)

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us
We ask ourselves ‘who am I to be brilliant?’
Actually who are you NOT to be?
You are a child of God
Your playing small doesn’t serve the world
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that people won’t feel insecure around you
we are born to manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us, it’s in everyone
And as we let our light shine
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

So next time you or a friend are pondering whether to take the next step, ask yourself the question…Who are you NOT to be brilliant?

Do you network or netvulture?

Do you network or netvulture?

Networking is key to building a business in the professional services industry whether you enjoy that part or not, it is an essential part of progression within companies as well as inside industries as business owners. If you have attended any networking events you can nearly recognise the various characters: those working the room eager to be seen rather than have any meaningful interest or conversation in anyone apart from themselves, those genuinely looking to help other people present and invariably you have the wallflowers who only speak when spoken to and in some groups you even have the insider cliques as well.

Over the years I have attended all kinds of networking events from the social setting variety to the formal dinner dance to a focused business exchange meeting and I even organised a speednetworking event before this became all popular and the rage. Living in a small city in Ireland networking is the only way to place yourself and your professional service on the map. I used to tell my clients if there aren’t 3 or 4 random business people in this city that have heard about you and your business then you just haven’t hit the map. In Ireland business is still largely done through who you know and hence the connection factor is extremely important. Connect well and it can make you, the other side of the coin being it can also break you, so be aware.

For a number of years I assisted people new to networking on how to get to most out of their experience and especially with fellow coaches I often had to teach them to have non-coaching conversations. Just because somebody asks you what you do and shows an interest, that doesn’t give you license to coach or consult or pitch for that matter. The last one pitching is relevant for all service professionals not just coaches. The purpose of networking in my view has always been to meet new people and walk away with a number of potentially good and useful contacts, not necessarily closed business, but rather the start to what could be a meaningful and mutually beneficial business relationship. Pitching should only enter the frame when you are specifically invited to do so or quote for actual work, any time before then you are having meaningful business conversation that may or may not be mutually beneficial and will help build up a business relationship. So becoming a good conversationalist will be helpful.

Recently I saw quite a different approach, which I can only call net-vulturing… If you have seen any of the Harry Potter movies, the whole experience felt like one of the vultures just grabbing hold of you and nearly strangling you to the point of total discomfort and unease whilst trying to get to your contact base. One of these experiences I observed and the other I was on the receiving end of. At first I though it might have been a stand alone freak incident, but when it happened again I felt compelled to write about it and I have to say 4 different unrelated businesses and individuals were involved, so there was no cross-over.

What made the experience so uncomfortable is that the person interested in my contact base, really wasn’t interested in me, my well-being, but they were just out to self-profit and self-promote, which in my view was missing the whole point. I actually felt like saying ‘What makes you think I actually want to introduce you, when you don’t even have the respect for me?’, I obviously didn’t ask this question, but I sure as hell thought it and made a mental note to be seriously cautious on who I would introduce this individual to. If you want to be introduced to people I know, the first things I want to do is build a relationship with you to find out whether I can get to know more about you and your business, whether I like you and whether I can trust you and only then when all those boxes are ticked I may ask is there something mutually beneficial for you and the person you want the introduction to.

The other vulture type situation where I was an observer, was slightly different to the one I experienced, but it made watching people rather interesting. Here the netvulture was so intent on getting the contact, he nearly killed everything in it’s path to get the name and number, a little bit like what happens to creatures in ‘The Lord of the Ring’ when they get hypnotised by the ring. The individual on the receiving end reacted with stunned shock at the aggression of the pitch and because they were the lesser experienced they just handed over all relevant information, but you could see this didn’t sit well with them. An agreement was made for this vulture to meet the contact at another event a few weeks later and I have to say the whole thing came full circle. The unsuspecting contact was immediately whisked away to speak to the pitching party of the vulture team and I have never ever seen anyone leave a networking meeting with such urgency as the unsuspected individual did that time. I felt if time had been taken to nurture the introducer as well as the actual contact, an actual very profitable situation could have grown from it for all involved, but as it stands the introducer will not come near the vulture again and the contact I think will probably stay well clear also.

When you are eager to find business and new contacts, do it with respect for the introducer but also for yourself, sometimes it is worth building and nurturing a relationship over time that is based on real trust as opposed to going in with the hard sell, hungry for business type of tactic. Whether the economy is doing well or not is actually irrelevant in building a network of contacts, but only those that you have truly nurtured will stand the test in bad times, those fair weather hungry creatures will always let you down in the long run or when the favour needs to be returned.

Always remember in professional services people buy from people they know, like and trust and have something to offer that is beneficial to them. In networking you need to make the last part mutually beneficial and nurture the relationship over time…or at least that’s how I feel about it.

The key observation in both situations was that the damaging parties obviously had no idea they were having this effect, which is what fascinated me and has me writing about it. I wonder am I the only one observing this behaviour? Is is a sign of the times? Or am I missing something completely?

Pride, procrastination and other good things that hold us back from change

Pride, procrastination and other good things that hold us back from change

Change management has been one of my personal hobby horse topics for some time now, very likely because it is also where I started my working career and specialised in through my MBA. This economic climate is driving change and if any of you watched any European elections, the trend is very clear those that were in government get voted out and new guys with a change message get voted in, which I guess is not too dissimilar to what happened with the Obama election. People are fed up with the same inefficience at government level and choose a clear difference. If you are the owner of manager of a business or department, would your team re-elect you? If you are a solo-preneur, would you choose for you again?

Even though we all recognise that there is a need for change, often we assign the change to have to come from the outside as opposed to ourselves or within our business as well as outside. In Ireland a lot of the economic crisis has been blamed on the global downturn and if that picks up the local economy will also improve… hmm, forgetting inefficiencies in our public sector, government as well as banks, spending patterns and other general head in the sand type policies from the people in leadership. But that is a totally different discussion. When it comes to change, it is amazing how often we are totally unaware of our own resistance to change and we even convince ourselves that it is just a matter of time before things will turn around for the better or we make statements that it isn’t too bad, etc. etc.

We all have unique ways of holding ourselves back and having experienced some extended periods of major upheaval, I have had to get very much up close and personal with my own resistors. One that took me by surprise a bit is the power of pride in stopping change, pride of achievements and what I stood for closed off opportunities that were presenting themselves quite clearly but my pride didn’t allow me to see them or even contemplate pursuing them. In some cases even to the extent of alienating people with ideas and suggestions. I don’t believe I had to diss my achievements, but I did have to sideline personal pride or stubborness to get out of the impasse I was in and that took a good bit of mental persuasion to say the least. I had little peptalk sessions to be open to opportunity and also invented a rule to give something at least 1 week of proper consideration before moving away from it and that helped keeping an opportunity mindset.

When I did my first coaching course in 2001, the training mentioned that in life we often receive little nudges to encourage us to change into a new direction or change something about ourselves, but when we keep ignoring the little nudges they tend to grow into seriously big trucks coming towards you hitting you off your path and throwing you into a new direction and no matter where you move to these trucks keep finding you until you get the message and change. Well to be honest I think sometimes I must just be a slow learner because up till now my life has been full of nudges and quite a few trucks and you think that at this stage you learn to recognise them and adapt sooner.

When the economy started to go south in my line of work, I did what most entrepreneurs were doing I thought let’s wait and see if it will get better, I procrastinated like no tomorrow and did all sorts fo non-effective business building or reorganising on a very superficial level. Until the proverbial truck hit and I had to take big action from leting staff go to closing down the office location and retreating back to working from home. The old tactics of building business were no longer working and it has made me rethink everything to do with this business and I am working on more dramatic changes, but only after it nearly floored me as a person as well as the business.

Procrastination shows in multiple forms and it is up to you to recognise what you do, once you know how then you can change it. I have seen people hide in IT land, meetings, networking events, books, etc… but the real essential change isn’t getting done even though they know damn well that something needs to change, even if what exactly isn’t so clear. My suggestion for you is to find your procrastinator and then work at reducing the time it spends consuming you, it’s amazing what change you can bring about. Hint, hint, it’s probably somethign you do every day more than once per day.. for no particularly logical reason.

Focus on what is important to you, not what everyone else says it should be. In a time a rapid change, which is now happening around us, there is a tremendous potential for new creation and re-invention of you and your business. One book I read early in my MBA always comes to mind when I think of re-invention, namely the Semco story where the company nearly went under but thanks to serious maverick actions the workers managed to turn the business around and in the process entered several brand new markets, produces products and services it never originally had, etc.at the same time they also challenged every bit of management thinking and came up with a brand new internal model. (Book: Maverick by Semco)
So if your business isn’t working as it is, then maybe it is time to go back to the drawing board and do something drasticly different, engage your staff in the process as they are often the best to spot new opportunities.

The fear factor is another one of those great show stoppers, if you are stopped by what other people might say… here is a newsflash most of us think about ourselves about 90% of the time if not more… so for you to get on someone else’s radar screen, you want to be seriously special to them. If you are seriously special to them they will also want the best outcome for you and that means communicate your fears and ideas in equal measure and bring them along, you might be amazed at the support. Breaking into a new area may feel uncomfortable and as long as you don’t expect perfection from the first step it can also be very liberating and invigorating.

If something is no longer working whether it is your business, a person in your team or just you… look at the situation from every angle and see if you can find the cause of the problem and if you don’t find a cause then I urge you to pay even more attention because it is very likely a little nudge, which if ignored turns into a truck…so look at change options. If you are living in a state of change overwhelm, where the need to change is so obvious and so clear but you really don’t know how to get your head and actions around it, then I advise you to hire a coach or trusted advisor to help explore options. Whatever you do, make sure it is what you see as the best option and not what people tell you to do. Some advice is good, but then keep your own critical thinking ability in check as well as everything you value in life and business and when the advice still fits after that little detour, then maybe it is the best way forward. Time is relative in these kinds of change periods, so let that not be the decisive factor, but clarity, values, peace of mind to have made the right decision and excitement for your new direction are a must.

For now all I will say is that I am personally changing into a new direction, I am proud of my achievements in my business for the last 9 years and have absolutely no regrets of my current decision to pursue a new direction. What it is exactly remains private for now, as for the coaching business this will transition into an e-business with outsourced coaching. This blog will remain because I enjoy writing about business and where people can improve. At the same time I am excited to explore my new adventure, so what is your adventure going to be?