Drawing the line
Making decisions is not always easy and clear cut, but sometimes it really is just a case of drawing a line and stepping over it to move forward or even drawing a line for others to know that they have reached the boundary of your toleration or patience. My coach tells me sometimes that when you reach a point of dissatisfaction in whatever scenario in life or business that this is an ideal point to examine the boundaries and maybe look at whether they need to be reset and adapted.
In the last couple of weeks I have had to make a few important decisions, which definitely stretched my comfort zone in terms of boundaries. So whether you have business decisions, personal choices or even staffing questions to answer, this may well be relevant to you and useful processing or questioning.
In this economy a lot of small business owners are facing important decisions regarding staff, investments etc. What was acceptable behaviour or at the most tolerated from staff in a boom economy, now has become obvious as non-constructive or even unhelpful. Because there is more management time for observation and analysis, clarity is coming forward often like a blinding flash of light. More and more frequently these days, I have conversations with clients regarding toleration levels and at what point to draw the line.
Here is a good yardstick: we assume you are unhappy with a situation…
Ask yourself, what effect is this having on me, on my business, on my clients, on my time, on my health, etc.
Then establish your boundary line or the point at which you say ‘I have had enough’.
When you know at what point the line is reached, all you need to work out is how to deal with the changes that inevitably will have to be made. From the line forward you need a plan of action, whether this is parting company, giving up a business, a client, a supplier or letting go of a staff member. Once you know your options, the best course of action often jumps out very clearly in your research process. On rare occasions inaction is the correct approach.
I find that a lot of clients and friends are blaming the economy for not making decisions, because the impact it may have on other people, but they forget they are only ever neglecting their own boundaries. Crisis can lead to indecision and sometimes time and distance will lead to perspective. But let’s face it, the recession is going to be around for some time and it is very much a case of let’s draw the line of moaning about it and stepping over it and designing a plan of action for yourself as to what you will do from here on in.
Energy wasted on what-if scenario’s isn’t always helpful and if you are born with the analysis gene, be aware you could be affected by analysis paralysis just as easily. In actual fact the time for lining up ducks and crossing t’s is not a time of crisis, where really only decisive action is the way forwards.
It does mean gathering the courage to hold difficult conversations with people that have really stepped over the boundary for long enough and have gotten away with it for far too long. It also means sometimes embarking on scary new actions, when your confidence may be screaming out for the opposite to action. It may mean becoming a portfolio worker with more than one job or string to your bow. It may even mean moving to a different location, job, etc.
Only you can decide when you need to draw that line and enforce the boundary. Tolerating people pushing the boundary consistently is ultimately bad for you, your sanity and definitely long-term also your good health. It is perfectly justified to explain to someone that enough has been reached, just say it with calm diplomacy and a smile, even if in your heart you feel like punching or screaming their head off. It takes a bit of practice, but even I master calm diplomacy on occasion even when my blunt and direct approach is edging to come out. In my mind I try to see it from their point of view, which on occasion is hard to do.
When you are going through a particularly difficult time, you may find a lot of people come along who will offer advice willingly and with positive intentions or if like me you have quite a few coaching acquaintances you may find yourself in a full-blown coaching interrogation without an invite on your part. Drawing the line in this kind of scenario is vital. If you invite the advice, then take it for what it is worth, but never forget to process it under your own value filter. Trust your own ability to make decisions you will know what is right by you in the end of the day.
The fear of upsetting other people in the process of enforcing your boundaries is far outweighed by the freedom and sense of relief you experience once you actually go ahead with those difficult communications. Honesty may not always be the most comfortable approach, but it is way more liberating and healthy than tolerating things that shouldn’t be tolerated.
So for all of those caught in economic crisis one way or another, I dare you to draw the line and step over it. Accept it will be around for another while, accept that some bad things may have happened to you as a result, also accept that dwelling on them is not helpful forever, do your best to learn the lessons, but above all draw the line and focus on actions that will lead to a happier future.
A close friend of mine recently put it absolutely accurately ‘I don’t want to know the past shit, we are in the present now.’
I dare you to draw that line and claim your power back.